Just to get the family up to speed with Malaysian Politics this week

Woo, it's all fun and games over this side of the world I can tell you. Yes indeed the current political situation warrents a bit of explanation for all the boys and girls back home. It's twisted, it's convoluted, it's mind-boggling and it's actually a little bit frightening, but there you go, that's life in Asia for you. Deep breath, here I go.

This week a famous Malaysian blogger, a man called Raja Petra (or RPK to all) who is the editor of www.malaysia-today.net has dropped yet another bombshell in his campaign to rid the nation of the nasty deputy PM. Najib Razak. You see, since before I got here the newspapers have been covering the murder of a Mongolian lady called Altantulia - who was over here acting as a translator and then somehow or other ended up murdered then taken out into the jungle (or a plantation, can't quite remember) and her dead body was blown to smithereens with C4. The C4 explosive was (not really very hard to do) traced straight back to the police, I think special branch. And over the months (well years now I think) the case has dragged out and then the personal bodyguards of Datuk seri Najib Tun Razak were in the dock facing murder charges - on doubt they had upset somebody, asked for more money or something otherwise it would never have got that far. In their defense and in an attempt to escape the noose they said (something like) "we didn't kill her, we were just disposing of the body like, your honour". And these boys are police innit, nice to know they were just disposing of the body, after all, you wouldn't want to think they were doing anything bad now would you.
So, the case has gone on and on, and Najib and his wife have managed to remain uninvolved in the proceedings, despite the fact that bascally everybody has been talking about it for ages and ages, but that's Malaysia.

Anyway, RPK posted on his blog a few weeks ago something along the lines of "send them all to hell" and called the Altantunia trial a "showtrial in a kangaroo court several times, then said "they'll probably send me to prison for that" so they did.
But the strange thing was that even though what he said qualifies as Defamation of character, or attempting to pevert the course of Justice, they slapped him in the nick with the very outmoded and contraversial Sedition Laws. Now I can't quite figure how saying that the judicial system is completely corrupt (which is is BTW) has any baring on trying to bring down the government, despite his claims being aimed at the Deputy PM and his wife. Anyway, they got him in the nick in a couple of days, then loads of people made a big stink and thousands (I think 30 or 40 thousand) donated 1RM each to get him out of jail. He initially said "NO I WANNA STAY IN JAIL AND MAKE A POINT" but then there were death threats, the prison guards couldn't guarantee his safety (as by all accounts you can bribe a lifer to kill somebody with a pack of fags and a new jumper) so his wife told him to come home.

Time passed. And in the corridors of power the corrupt current leadership are having all out battles with the corrupt opposition, who are getting stronger and stronger everyday. Now in Sabah there are calls from the politicians for votes of No Confidence from the PM.
I have to digress a little here, and branch into the wider political scape. The Barisan Nasional (BN) have been in charge since the British left. The British locked up anybody who wanted to oppose the BN coalition before granting independance, so allowing BN to dominate through widespread election rigging for years and years. But despite this a lot of people (Malays mostly) blindly voted for UMNO, who are the main party that rule the land, because they are basically a bunch of racists and vote for those that favour their own race. Ho hum. In 1969 the Chinese voted against the MCA (Malaysian Chinese Association) but the Malays still voted UMNO - this threatened the BN alliance, but as UMNO were still all powerful and had control of the army they were able to agitate a few riots (using the UMNO youth movement) and then blame it on the Chinese, whom they promptly machine gunned a few hundred and called on the Emergency Laws (kindly left by the British for them, ostensibly to suppress the Communists). A few weeks of curfews and killings and a Parliamentary blackout, whereupon Tun Razak (the 2nd PM who was at the time Deputy PM and Defense Minister) deposed the 1st PM, the late-great Tunku Abdul Rahman, and held a coup, changed the constitution and declared himself lord and master of all, oh and then he told Singapore to piss off from Malaysia as there were too many Chinese there and it affected the balance of racial politics too much, so by expelling Singapore then Malaysia became a Malay majority land. He is still touted as a good leader and a great man, May 13th 1969 is still claimed to be the fault of the chinese despite the fact that it wasn't. His son Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak is the current Deputy PM and the Defense Minister. Sounding like things are making a bit more sense now?

So, back to the nowtime, and the May 8th elections. Basically 54 out of 140 odd seats that were "won" by the BN coalition came from the states of Sabah and Sarawak. Now very few (if any in fact) of these seats were won by UMNO, as there really aren't that many Malays over there; ethnically it is mostly Kadazan, Iban and Dyaks (the former headhunters), some Chinese and Malays and others. And Sabah and Sarawak are not very happy at the moment, as they are basically just exploited for their resources and get very little in return.
So the Opposition have been trying to turn Sabah and Sarawak away from BN, as if they switch to the Opposition, then the Opposition have the parliamentary majority and the BN are very much on the loosing team.
Now, Najib Tun Razak knows this, and he's not very happy at the thought of loosing out on his "right" to sit in the Golden Chair and command his subjects as he sees fit and all that.
Funnily enough though, the leader of the party that is calling for the No Confidence vote, has now been threatened with a visit from the Anti-Corruption Agency, for some RM5million bribe several years ago, this says 2 things (1) it's ok to be corrupt as long as you're in the BN coalition, and (2) the Opposition don't care if you're corrupt as long as you're with their coalition.

Which brings us up to what the hell has been happening over the last few weeks. In brief

Former PM Mahatir resigned from UMNO and stated that he would only rejoin when the current PM is gone, (now this to me is Sedition, trying to overthrow the current government, but instead of anything like that being said, it just gets laughed at).
Then Mahatir is trying to blame it all on the Chinese and incite racial tensions from way way back, luckily the people of Malaysia are older and wiser now, it is a very different time to 1969 - bearing in mind that in Indonesia in the late 60s the Indonesian Malays slaughtered half a million chinese in brutal racial violence). Most people have roundly ignored Mahatirs incitement of racial hatred, but still there are a lot of ignorant and uneducated Malays who will believe whatever BossMan tells them. Which is frightening.
Then suddenly and without warning the Petrol price skyrockets, this causes most problems, as Malaysians are obsessed with money and the only way to get a rise out of them is to threaten their wallets - but luckily the people who went out and marched in demonstrations are wise to the powers that be (see, people can sometimes learn from history) and didn't start any riots. Even more relevant here is that the biggest marches were arranged by PAS and the PKR (both Malay political parties) and the police simply would not and could not attack a crowd that is comprised solely of Malays, as by doing that any legitimacy they would have over their claims that "it's the Chinese fault" would evaporate and the parliament would be stormed by an angry mob. It is interesting to note here that the only colonial powers that tried to mess with the Islamic Malay people were the Portugese, and their colonial time in Malaya didn't last long - the Dutch, British, Japanese and the current government know that the simple rule to a "happy" Malaysia is this APPEASE THE MALAYS because if you don't, they kill you. The British Resident Birch learned that one, when he tried to abolish slavery in Perak (the Malay Sultans wife had lots of slaves) so he got assassinated and then a bit of a civil war broke out. After that they learned, don't mess with the Malays.
Have you ever heard the term Amok, as in Running Amok? Yes, it's a Malay word, and it was Malay people that suffer most from the Amok tendancy. Something snaps and they grab a machete and run mentally round and round hacking up anybody they can see, the traditional cure for somebody running amok is for lots of people to grab bamboo poles and beat the mental man to death. You may now understand why the police didn't fire teargas and water cannons on a Malay only demonstration that began at a mosque.

Which leads us up to 2 days ago - and RPK (remember him?). He was not content with the Sedition charge, and it seems he is unable or unwilling to be cowed into submission. So, get this, he has gone straight to the High Court and made a Statutory Declaration, saying that he has information from a witness to Altantunias murder, who is a cast iron VVIP, who puts Najib Tun Razaks wife at the scene of the C4 blowing to smithereens of the poor Mongolian girls corpse.
Hooooeeeey, this has caused a stink. Furthermore his Declaration says that the PM recieved a memo from MI about the event, which he passed on to his son-in-law Khairy (who is a very very dodgy character, mega rich through construction contracts, corruption and all that, who is now an MP despite loosing the inital ballot, but a miraculous recount put him 800 votes ahead, amazing the miracles that money can pull off innit).

Natturlisch all those who have been implicated are crying foul play, saying nothing to do with them, "utter garbage" says Najib.
Who knows what the real truth is, but I'd have to assume that RPK has some pretty potent information that has to be cast iron, otherwise why would he subject himself to Purgery (as well as god knows what else laws you break by going to the High Chief Justice and give a statutory declaration saying the Deputy PM/Defense Minister and his wife were involved with the nations highest profile murder case ever).
But there we go, the chances are that Najib will orchestrate some violent upheaval, slap down the Emergency Laws, suspend Parliament, Re-write the constitution, expel another state and declare himself lord and master whilst putting all his enemies onto the slammer, just like Daddy did. Or maybe not. It's one of those points in a nations history when the answers are in the very Black and White. Either BN are finished, or they become a Dictatorship, again.

The big question is what happens next - the choices are Najib, and whatever plans he has for subjegating everybody, PAS (the plainly titled Parti Al Islam) who want to subjegate everybody under syariah law and are horrible and insane megalomaniacs who people seem to believe are good (the worst option totally), Anwar Ibrahim from the PKR who was former Deputy PM (under Mahatir) who is being touted as the saviour of Malaysians but I wouldn't trust the bastard as far as I could throw him - as he is no doubt hell bent on revenge after being kicked out of UMNO, put in prison under the ISA and smeared as a prostate massage loving sodomite in all the papers, he also wants to sell Malaysia to the USA.
The choice is

Proven to be Shit
Xenophobic religious extremists who are rancidly Shit
and
Revenge fuelled smooth talker who will undoubtly claim this that and the other, then get in power and turn out to be, you guessed it, Shit.

It's nice to know that the British have left such marvellously divine political systems in the wake of the Empire innit.

Read the Malaysian blogs
www.malaysiakini.com
www.malaysia-today.net
www.thestar.com.my (then interactive, citizens blog)
www.jeffooi.com

or just google Malaysian blogs and it makes for some real interesting reading

Yes, I'm a coward, but it's probably best to be diplomatic

Hmmm, in a moment of angry madness I posted some jolly old ravings about the petrol increase. Well, I got in trouble with the misses, as well, basically I didn't really think to cleverly before going and raging about all sorts. So in a rare act of tact and diplomacy, I have decided it's best to capitulate and delete them.
It does make sense, after all, my white flesh does make me an eternal follower and even if I had lived her 80 years I'd still be matsalleh and so shouldn't try and interfere. Also I don't wanna get mistaken for a spy/agitator or some such and then cause an international incident.
So there we go, shock horror, Timbo backs down and uses his head for once.

It's all quite quiet and peaceful here today, but I just walked past KLCC and the Petronas Towers and there is a great big fence aroud the thing and a boat load of piggies in riot gear all stood around with their cry-maker gas guns (and no doubt the cold shower mobile around the corner on standby). Funny thing is that there are no protesters or anything, just some tourists standing and looking at the scene of police with some degree of confusion. I think Petronas are getting a bit worried, because now everybody is talking about why it isn't a publically listed company - it's accounts are totally opaque, there are no public shareholders, the only person they have to answer to is the Prime Minister and people are asking where the Billions of dollars in oil, petrol and gas revenues actually go. Interesting innit.
The Prime Minister told everybody that they have to learn how to save, but now most people are saying "save what?" as the price of Rice, Cooking Oil, Flour, Petrol, Diesel and Electric have all gone up considerably, and they're going to take away the subsidy for RapidKL (the main public transport company) very soon, and as the cost of transporting goods has basically doubled so everything else is going up as well.
The government did make a supremely magnanimous gesture this week though. They have AXED a whole 10% from the "entertainment budget" for Ministers - which comes in at an incredible several Million Rinngit, just in "entertainment" whatever that entails. So, they must be feeling the pinch now that they are down to only 3 types of canopees and the caviar is off the menu until the next budget. Poor things, it makes you weep doesn't it.

Have fun in the temperate zones,

Just watched the new Indiana Jones movie

Helo all, yes me and the good lady have just been freezing our respective nipples off watching the new Indiana Jones film, and it was alright. Not bad for an old fella like, but the soppy wedding at the end was just a bit, well, weird, watching wrinklies play tonsil hockey in front of a load of other wrinklies - it's enough to put you off your dinner, and god only knows what damage it could do to the minds of the young. Shame Kate Blanchett is about as convincing a Russian as I am a Bangkok chick-boy (and I was ultimately confused by her supposedly being some psy-corps type Babylon 5 sytle psycho-kinetic woman able to open the door of Area 51 with a flick of her hand from 20 paces in the opening scenes and from then on posessing nothing in the way of psychic powers for the whole rest of the film, but then again I got really really confused when the inter-dimensional portal opened up in the Mayan temple and the alien crystal dudes flew off in a spaceship, not to space, but to "the space between spaces" and it all turned, well, what is the best word? Erm, crap?).

So there we go, Vanessa failed to understand my excitement and desire to go "doo do doo dooo, doo doo doooooo" etc and jump around cracking my imaginary bullwhip, as it was just a good old fashioned pile of turd. Too heavy on the self referencing, and Indys illigitimate son was an utter waste of space, a pathetic wimpy little fart of an actor, who was supposed to be some tough-guy style 1950s teddyboy a la Johnny T in Grease, with less character than John Mayor and less depth than Posh Spice.

Yes, I am a little dissappointed, and now I remember why I don't really go to the cinema anymore, namely because its a waste of money (and in this country its so sodding cold that they actually offer Gold Class expensive tickets with a blanket. A BLANKET!!! WHY NOT TURN THE AIRCON DOWN YOU IDIOTS!!!!)

On another note I witnessed my first police raid in a nightclub last night, which was utterly surreal and annoyingly expensive. Literally a case of enter club, pay 40 rinngit (6 quid), 2 minutes later policeman shines torch in face, lights on, music off, everybody show your ID. Being white it wasn't bad at all, as myself and my Croatian mate Boris were led out by Vanessa and Cheng and they didn't even look twice at us. Problem is the pigs were just out to persecute the Malays who were having fun, what with them being born Islamic and unable to excersise the most fundamental write of self determination. So, pity the poor underage Malay drinkers, and pity even more the ones that had taken drugs (and during the few minutes with the lights on I could see more than a dozen very scared faces in the crowd) god knows what happened to them, very possibly sent to a re-education camp - read religious indoctrination - if they didn't have the cash to bribe their way out of it.
Shame though because the music was very decent, and it cost me bloody 40 dollars for 2 minutes. I went back later and started chewing the Bouncers, demanding a refund. I asked him who his boss was, so he pointed to a bloke, so I started chewing his head, anyway I asked where I was supposed to get my refund, and should I go to Bukit Aman (police headquarters) and demand it back, he laughed. Told me he couldn't do anything, police matter, so I demanded ot see his boss, "who is your boss?", "oh, chief constable whoever". Oh your police, yes, erm, ha ha ha, sorry about that I thought you were staff. Not impressed face, but Timbo scores another minor point against the facists, yeah, eat my demeaning comment porker.
Bizarrely the club accross the road was playing similar music, had a lot more people (numbers wise the same amount of Malays, but in a much lower percentage due to more people)and we danced there until 3am with no bother. I think it was a matter of concentration, thusly raiding the one club instead of the other means the same amount of bribe money with much less effort. So nice of them isn't it.

So there we are, dissapointed by Indiana Jones, but at least I got to fire a minor insult at a corrupt killjoy oppressor of fun and it only cost me 40 dollars (plus cinema ticket).

Oh and my hand still hurts.

Love to all, I'm going up to Cameron Highlands tomorrow to meet a new interviewee who lives right next to the Tea Plantations, so lets hope my bus doesn't fall several thousand feet down the hill like that one the other week. Any prayers welcomed.