It's just not my month

So, yet more delightful antics from the world of Timbo.
Allow me to explain. Well firstly I don't know if I told you that we moved house. Well we did, to a really nice new place not far from the old one, I'll stick up some photos when we've cleared away all the moving house crap. So my problems this week begand with moving house. I called one of the numbers that get fly-posted all over advertising lorrys for hire, book them, order a 2 tonne lorry and 2 people, price RM180. On the day they turn up 2 hours late, this is ok, as it's Malaysian time, I forgive. They turn up with a 5 tonne lorry and 4 people, then when they come into my appartment they threateningly tell me that it will cost RM550, but they do this in such a way that the fridge and sofa (ie the stuff I can't carry) is already in the lift. The people are professional con-men, or another C word that I can't use because children read this. Yes, that's right, Cads. Oooh, aren't I the naughty one.

So, I basically tell them that they're are a bunch of Cads, and they can absolutely Flick Off and Fudge themselves with a rusty pipe. I haven't got 500 ringgit, in fact that's more than most of the furniture is worth, and they can go take a flying Flamingo through a rolling doughnut for all I care. The big man, who was getting the brunt of my Frollicking Cads Sugarlumpery called his boss, saying "ini Matsalleh cakap busuk-busuk lagi Boss" (translation: This white bloke is talking lots of stink-stink like a dirty potty mouth boss). I tell you, how dare you threaten me in my own house!!! I was a proper raging bull of all my filthyest malay, I told the boss that he can make coitus with his female sibling and all that sort of chiquanery. All jolly fun, but what could I do but insult that barskets.

So RM300 and it all goes in. But, to my utter chagrin, we arrive at the new appartment and, oh, the 5 tonnes lorry is too tall to enter the carpark, so we gotta handball the stuff in cos we can't get into the lift. These workshy Indian lazy arse lorry boys are none too pleased, not only did they not get to proeposeterously rip off the white-man, but he expects them to do the job he's paying them to do??? This is certainly not the Malaysian way. So they basically dump it all on the floor and make me pay for, well, absolutely Funk all. But what can I so here? They know where I live and make certain that their eyes tell me so. Anyhoooo, I called them all Constables and insisted they wouldn't get a penny from me if they don't take the biggest stuff in. So with heavy hearts at having to do a days work, they took the sofa, fridge and big box inside, then left muggins with the rest of the flat. In the blistering heat, getting back to some good old fashioned back breaking labour. Oh, did I mention the cheeky shnitzels had the cheek to ask for a tip??? I gave them a tip, "don't eat yellow snow", now Flower off down the rathole you crawled out of. And don't blame me that your grandparents were coolies.

Ho de hum, the place is nice though.

So, this brings us up to yesterday. I took a little stroll down the road, to see if there's an internet place near to our new place. I pootle along the pavement and a sign catches my eye outside a restaurant, laptop in bag. I look at the sign for approx 5 seconds (or 2 steps to be exact) and think "ooh wi-fi".
WHAAANNNNGG

Next thing I know my head is floor level, but what is this? Oh, my body is below floor level? What is this? My knee hurts, as does my hand. Why is this?
Oh, I have fallen into a drain. A DRAIN!!!!!!!!!! For the love of a god that doesn't exist, a Frollicking drain!!!
Yes, some utter, utter, utter Bar-steward had stolen the bleeding drain cover, I look away for 5 seconds and there we go. Now I sit here typing with one hand as I have a suspected broken wrist - hard to tell on the Xray, need to go back in 2 or 3 days and see the specialist - and my knee is all banged up. Worst of all my brand new Macbook got a right old smack, and the DVD drive is a bit jimmied (lucky under warrently, but I don't know if that qualifies 'Involuntary Drain Entry' as a fixable reason. Fire, Theft and act of Drain. Not sure, but I will get it fixed by the time honoured method of jumping up and down and making a scene for several hours if necessary, they don't know how to deal with that here, it's brilliant) and a new pack of fags got squished.

So there we go, I'm reet Forked off at the moment, with bloody bruises and possible broken bones. Bizarrely though - when I was 16 I broke my right wrist, and then of course there was the left-knee business of a few years back. Lucky enough this time I hurt my left wrist and my right knee. So there we go, at least I'm balanced out nicely now innit.

Love to all and watch out for the holes in the floor



I wandered down the road, try